Unexpected Events

Growing up I had a pretty strong support system. Aside from my parents and sister, I also had my god-mom. Both of my folks were military so they'd be working or deployed most times, but my god-mom was always there for as long as I can remember. As I grew up our bond started to dim. I was so far invested in my friends, education, and all the other perks of the milestones I crossed. We had a solid relationship and we'd talk on the phone often just to catch up with each other. My senior year of high school can easily be categorized as the most intense event filled year of my life. Because of this, my god-mom and I lost touch even more often than usual, but when we did talk she would tell me about how proud she was of the young woman I'd become. It was comforting to know that even though we didn't converse as much as we used to, she still showed that special interest in what was going on in my life.

The day before my graduation, my mom, my uncle, and I went looking for a last minute dress for me to wear under my gown. As we were looking, my mom recieved a phonecall from my dad. He was in tears and I could tell something was wrong. He went on to inform us that Lynn, my god-mom, had passed away. I'm almost positive that I went into shock. My heart stopped for a few seconds as I began to tremble. Is this really happening? What am I going to do? These were only two of the major thoughts going through my mind. I knew she was sick, but I'd become so accustomed to her being around that I didn't fully realize it until that moment. I broke down. There was nothing my parents or anyone could do to calm me. In that moment I didn't want to talk to anyone, BUT her, and I couldn't. My parents were concerned that I wouldn't be able to walk the stage the following evening, and so was I. How could I just wipe away all of my tears and pretend that I was alright, when I wasn't? It took up until that morning to convince me that I did want to walk the stage, and figuratively make Lynn proud.

At the ceremony, I found myself feeding off of everyone elses energy to keep my composure. Everyone was so chipper and nervous and excited to be taking such a huge step. When it got to be only about two or three people ahead of me to take the stage, I once again felt my heart stop. I was close enough to the audiences view to where I could see all of the proud parents, friends, and guests screaming wildly as they called they're graduates names. "Magna Cum Laude, Valerie Kiana Moore." I saw the blinding flashing of camera's, I heard my enteragoues deafening boisterous cheers, and I lost it. Crying through my smile was all I could muster at that moment. Even though one of the most important people I have EVER come in contact with wasn't there, I knew I'd eventually be able to move forward. It would take time, and a few more tears, but I could make it. That was a powerful moment. Finding strength in my own optimism was necessary for me to press on. To this day, I still struggle with her passing, but if I recall those memories of all we went through together, it gives me the strength to press on.