Sunday, October 5, 2014
Our Love Vs Reality
Love is the feeling of being desired by others. Between the two sources, Stephanie Pappas' article "Love Hurts" and Yann Dall'Aglio's video "Love--you're doing it wrong", love seems to become a sense of materialistic desire. We are used to the idea that love is the unexplainable reason why we will sacrifice ourselves for another person. However, in the article and video we are forced to view ourselves as people who can easily be swayed by our innate sense of insecurity stemming from jealousy of not being desired by our partners. In the video we are all "useless", because in order to feel value we need to gain the feeling of compassion from others. Highlighted in the article, even when people feel as if they are in a successful, romantic relationship, they still have the potential of feeling threatened by others who seem attractive. With a comparing outcome from the Yann Dall'Aglio's discussion, our level of seduction capital, or desirability, is directly measured by others' view of us. Unfortunately, it seems as if our fairytale visions of mankind mask the true drive behind our instinctive craving to feel useful, which can only be achieved by other's view of us.
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I agree that love is wanting to be desired. And we all wish to be desired. In Yann Dall'Aglio's Love - You're Doing it Wrong, he says that we all we used to have to do was do our part in society and in turn, everyone would value and love us. But now, we all have to, in a way, compete for another's love. That's why in Love Hurts (Other People), by Stephanie Pappas, partners rated people who they believed to be pretty or attractive dishonestly. These people in fact knew that the people they were rating were good looking people, but only harshly responded to the "potential daters" pictures because they were jealous and felt like they needed to protect their relationships. I think that jealously is sort of a side effect of love because these people in the study were in long term relationships and wanted the same love and value that they were dishing out, so they let their "dark side show. It is not an intentional thing that individuals do, but it human nature. Which goes back to what Yann Dall’Aglio said. He stated that we are useless because for us to be valued we need others same desire. But since we long for this value of someone else we don’t look for value in ourselves. Now I don’t think we are useless if we want to be loved, but I do think that if all we’re looking for is a love to match our love then we do need check our values.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Yann Dall’Agilo`s statement in “Love—you`re doing it wrong”, “love can defined… as the desire of being desired”. We all want to feel wanted and love is the emotion that most greatly satisfies that desire. I also agree the connection the previous commenter made to the “Love Hurts” article by Stephanie Pappas, we are willing to fight whoever we need to in order to acquire our ideal mate and then fight to keep them. However, I don’t agree that we are useless unless we feel loved, or that we are of less value to others or ourselves if we aren’t loved by someone. I go back to what Shenk says about everything we do being a defense mechanism, we get jealous of our partners potential attraction to others of the same gender as us because we want to protect our relationships with our partners. We want to preserve our love with them and ultimately keep ourselves from pain that would be caused by the loss of our partners. We fight to keep our ideal mates in order to protect ourselves from pain, not to make ourselves appear more valuable to the outside world. Good relationships are an essential part of your happiness, according to Vaillant in “What Makes Us Happy?”, “the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people” It has been proven that relationships are one of the most powerful forces, as we crave “warm connections” to other people and rely on them to make us happy. Love is the desire to be desired but not being in a relationship doesn’t make anyone less valuable. We fight to keep our relationships because it is in our nature to crave the comfort that comes with the love of another.
ReplyDeleteYann Dall’Aglio “ Love Your Doing It Wrong” and Love Hurts” share similar ideas about the desire to be loved. I agree with Yann Dall’Aglio when he talks about how western civilization has changed. Yann Dall’Aglio says prior to this change “The individual used to find an answer to this problem by submitting his life to community rules. You had a specific part to play according to your sex, your age, your social status, and you only had to play your part to be valued and loved by the whole community.” This life seems boring but simple, basically there was a formula to be loved and valued by everyone opposed to how western societies are today. Now roles are still important but in most cases they don’t represent ones self-worth or value. What an individual owns represents his value and what makes people love him. Advancement’s in technology are responsible for this change and has made our society very materialistic. We accumulate wealth to feel loved by others whereas in the past a person just had to play his role and would feel loved by others. It is very unsettling when Yann Dall’Aglio says that each individual is useless and by acquiring things we feel value in ourselves. As much as I hate to I have to agree with this statement as it relates to western culture. Just us being a capitalistic society shows how much we value material things. Capitalism shows how greedy we are but it also shows how much we desire love we accumulated all these things just to feel wanted by others.
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