I believe "Love: You're Doing It Wrong" and "What Makes Us Happy?" share similar ideas because they both show how the people around us have a major affect on the way we feel. In "Love: You're Doing It Wrong", Yann Dall'Aglio explains how many of us need to be valued, admired, or appreciated by other people in order for us to feel loved. We try to acquire the best cars, the best jobs, the best qualities, etc. not because we desire them, but because other people desire and value these things. When other people value us and what we have, we feel loved. Instead of loving ourselves, many of us need to gain love and admiration from other people so we can feel loved.
In "What Makes Us Happy?", some of the results from Dr. Vaillant's study proved that our relationships with other people affect our level of happiness. If we don't form good relationships, then we will probably have a much more difficult time trying to find happiness. In the article, Joshua Wolf Shenk states "Good sibling relationships seem especially powerful: 93 percent of the men who were thriving at age 65 had been close to a brother or sister when younger."
Dall'Aglio's speech and Shenk's article both express the same idea: other people affect the way we feel. They just express this idea in slightly different ways; and they focus on different emotions. Shenk uses more of an experimental and statistical approach to show how other people affect our happiness. Dall'Aglio uses his humor and real-world examples to keep the audience engaged, and to help them better understand how other people affect the feeling of being loved.
I agree with your point of view that these two articles match up with each other on certain levels. The fact that in both they state basically that you find love or happiness from outside sources shows the similarities in the both. Like how the case studies where they had siblings helped them later on in life and the fact that people buy fancy expensive things to get attention and love can match up on certain ways. I agree with your view on the articles stating how other people affect the way we feel. I also like how you pointed out the different styles of how they get their points across about these studies or experiences.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what u said because in "Love you are doing it wrong" Yann Dall'Aglio talks about how love can mean different things for us but love for him is what people desire. "Therefore, only another desiring conscience can conceive me as a desirable being." He also says relationships can be good if both people love each other of what they are. "To be tender is to accept the loved one's weaknesses. It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies. That's pretty bad. On the contrary, there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness." In "What makes us happy?" relationships are happy on how you view yourself with you love. " That the onley thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people. In "Love Hurts" people get jealous with others of their same sex if they do something with their significant other. "....protect their ownt commitment to their partner, people would lash out at potential threats." One article talks how love is achieved through people and objects, and another about how love makes people jealous.
ReplyDeleteI agree that both, “Love: you’re doing it wrong”, and “What Makes Us Happy?” say that our feelings are affected by the people around us. Both share ideas on “What Makes Us Happy?” Shenk says, “Warm connections are necessary” and “The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people” showing that your happiness is dependent on your level of desire from other people. This is also evident in “Love: You’re doing it wrong” when Yann Dall’Aglio says “in order to be valued I need another to desire me, which shows that I do not have any value of my own. I don't have any inherent value” showing that happiness comes from receiving value from someone else. This is why I agree with you that other people affect how we feel. Other people have the power to make us really happy or to make us completely miserable, and it is because we give them that power to do so, all because we want to be valued and desired. We feel “useless” otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThe article by Shenk and the speech by Dall'Aglio are very different in the way they perceive love and happiness. In Dr. Vaillant's study from Shenk’s article shows how happiness can be achieved and the different ways it was achieved by the men in his study and one of the ways it was achieved was through love. In the other hand Dall’Aglio speaks about how love is what makes us happy because we have the need to be valued or then we feel useless.
ReplyDeleteFor example, Dall’Aglio says, “I negotiate my value every day,” because he believes to be loved and achieve happiness we have to be valued by some one that values us back, and to be valued by that someone back we must have thing that they consider valuable. But in Dr. Vaillant’s study he argues that happiness can be achieved in many different ways, proven by the result of the men in the study. Dr. Vaillant even says, “it’s very hard for most of us to tolerate being loved.” This shows that he believes not everyone can achieve happiness through love.
In the end you can see Dr. Vaillant shares similar views with Dall’Aglio when he speaks about how, “we care for someone else when we wish to be cared for ourselves,” but he doesn’t believe that it is the only way to be happy like Dall’Aglio describes in his speech by saying, “in order to be valued I need another to desire me,” proving he believes the only way to be happy is to be loved.
Yann Dall'Aglio answers this problem by letting us know that people try to collect traits that will make them desirable and loved and then ultimately happy, whether they do this on purpose or not. The grant study used a lot of information to show if the people in relationships were really happy and why? I think that was a big difference between it and what Yann was speaking on, because he was focusing a lot on Love, but more on what it truly meant to be loved and to love others unconditionally. The Grant study did connect with “Love Your doing it wrong” when it did find that some people were not happy and got divorced, and to me this was the same as Yaan confirming people have the freedom to value or disvalue anyone or anything as they please. Yaan really seemed to be speaking on the uncertainty of whether or not the love for something or somebody will always stay. This all hit home to me because even though I really don’t like that people have the right to pick what they like and why they like it I still respect that you can do that, because I personally love being able to decide that I love someone or something on day and then in two weeks just decide I don’t like it all.
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